Sometimes Trauma Isn’t About the Big Events

When people hear the word “trauma,”they often think about extreme events: violence, abuse, accidents, war.

Because of that, many people assume: “My childhood wasn’t that bad. I probably don’t have trauma.”

But some forms of trauma are much quieter and far more common: having emotions ignored as a child, not feeling emotionally safe, being told “too sensitive,” or growing up without feeling truly seen.

These experiences may not leave obvious memories, but they can quietly shape how a person relates to themselves and others.

Many trauma researchers describe trauma in two broad forms:

• Big T Trauma

• small t trauma

And for many people, the deeper wounds come from the second kind.

Trauma is not always about dramatic events. Sometimes it’s also about: the safety, attunement, and connection that were missing for too long.

As Gabor Maté says:

“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

Sometimes what we later call “personality” may actually be an adaptation developed for survival.

References

Maté, G., & Maté, D. (2022). The myth of normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. Avery.

YouTube. (n.d.). Trauma and the nervous system [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aENzyidbmRY

YouTube. (n.d.). Understanding trauma and healing [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nStUj0U_4Ys

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Maté, G. (n.d.). Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you.