Sometimes What Feels Like Calm Is Something Else
- May 9
- 1 min read
Some people describe themselves as: “I’m pretty emotionally stable.”“I don’t have big emotional ups and downs.” “I don’t really feel that much.”
On the surface, this can sound like maturity.
But sometimes, it may reflect something else.
In trauma research, when a person is exposed to ongoing stress without the ability to escape, the nervous system may enter a freeze state (Porges, 2011).
In this state: emotions are dampened, the body becomes less responsive, and the sense of connection to the present moment weakens.
A person may not feel intense distress, but they may also struggle to feel: joy, relaxation, or safety.
In The Body Keeps the Score, it is suggested that when emotions cannot be processed, they don’t disappear; they are held in the body (van der Kolk, 2014).
Over time, this may show up as:
difficulty feeling emotions
a sense of numbness
constant busyness
discomfort when slowing down
What feels like “calm” may sometimes be a form of protection.
Not because nothing is there, but because the system has learned how to turn things down.
References:
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
YouTube. (n.d.). Trauma and the nervous system [Video]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aENzyidbmRY
YouTube. (n.d.). Understanding trauma and healing [Video]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nStUj0U_4Ys
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